Big Sister
by Mama Avio
Summary: "It was worth the risk; I couldn't have him close to Katya so she could take him from me. No, I had to make her fall in love with me so she would stay away from him. He's my soul mate, after all." a Belakraine experiment  i hope you enjoy  BelarusxUkraine
1. 1: The Realization

**Disclaimer: Hetalia = notmine ;_;**

**Will contain Belarus x Ukraine, and rated for what future chapters may contain.**

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**Big Sister**

_**Avio Favalon**_

_**A Hetalia fanfic**_

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**Chapter One - The Realization**

It was always _her _that he liked more.

It dawned upon me suddenly one day.

It wasn't Toris or Yao or Kiku or any of those other guys.

No, it was _her_.

Katyusha. My very own Big Sister.

Well, I probably always knew, just didn't wish to think about it. Why would I want to? Katyusha always took care of us, was always so good to us both. I loved and respecter her. I know he did, too.

So it only makes sense that it would be _she _whom he loved more than me. Of course it would be _her_.

So there I was, wrapped up in my blankets and sobbing like an infant. I knew it must be Katyusha that he loves. It wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair! I give him my all! I loved him more unconditionally than anyone _ever _could!

I stabbed at my pillow in a fit, fluff flying all around me, as I thought about it.

It wasn't fair that I'd have to have _Katyusha _as my number one rival.

What if Big Brother likes her breasts better than mine? Or maybe because of all of her sunflowers? Big Brother loves sunflowers so much… Not to mention, she's one of the few people on this earth that isn't mean to him, or afraid of him.

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't. It's not like I could just kill Katyusha; she took care of me and Big Brother so lovingly, what kind of thank you would that be? But I couldn't let her be near him so they could grow together and leave me behind. Without him. Without my reason for living. He and her together…

No, I could _not _let Katyusha take my place. That was _my _role, and mine _alone_, to be at his side always.

I needed to do something about it, and as quickly as I possibly could.

Katyusha was slowly repaying all of her debts to Big Brother, and was hanging around him more and more.

The bitter sting of envy throbbed in my heart as I thought of how warmly he always greeted her, while he treated me like that plague Arthur had.

So, I lay there among my ravaged bedding fluff, trying to come up with a way to keep her away from him.

Then, it hit me.

I'd make her fall in love with someone else before she could have the chance to fall for _him_, my most _precious _him, and take him away from me.

I could make her fall in love with _me_.

It would be the easiest way to control what was going on, and least bothersome and more predictable.

Yes, I would make my big sister fall in love with me. It was that simple.

My only problem is, if I can't even get my soul mate to admit he was in love with me (I _know _he was!), how am I supposed to get my sister to fall for me in the first place?

These were the thoughts in my head before I drifted off to sleep, weary and somewhat heartbroken.

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**A/N: derp. It's Avio again. Clearly. :'D with yet another Hetalia story for you duckies.**

**Since I'm starting to get into my yuri-writin' groove[cause that's just the way i roll]. **

**So I asked people for couples for me to write or ideas and such, and my Pure-Love Maiden of the Snow, Nana, suggested this story. Which I actually think could be very interesting if I could only manage to pull it off. **

**Ohdeargodihopeso. Because I realized as I began typing that this is going to have to be a multichapter. OhgodwhyWHY. I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN DO THIS. BUT I'M GOING TO FUCKING TRY ANYWAYS BECAUSE MY PURE-LOVE MAIDEN ASKED IT OF ME SO I AM GOING TO FUCKING DO IT. Somehow. Ohgodidon'tknowhow. I really hope I'll be able to keep it up, I /really/ do. ._. Fff. /end rant of incompetence**

**So yes, I hope you'll bear with me while I write this. Hopefully I'll be able to pull it off and hopefully you will enjoy it. ;; ihopeyoudo.**

**Again, I love you already if you read through this pretty-short chapter. iapologizeforlackoflength. hopefully i'll make them longer as i go? and hopefully it wont be /that/ long. idon'tknowificoulddothat. so! :'D let the games begin~!**

**Reviews will help feed my Russia-chan shimeji, so by all means. Don't let the little cutie go hungry, da?**

**~Avio3**


	2. 2: I Will Not

**Disclaimer: Hetalia = notmine :D**

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**Big Sister**

**_Avio Favalon_**

**_A Hetalia fanfic_**

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**Chapter Two - I Will Not**

It was early when I awoke, as it always was. Normally, these mornings I would be preparing myself for my beloved Big Brother, but this morning, it was for Katyusha. Not very happily so, but it was. Then again, if Big Brother happened to change his mind, then perhaps it wont matter…

I shook my head, biting down on my lip, hard. I must focus on Katyusha. There is always the possibility that he will not, as always, see that he loves me. This is my hope for everyday, however, and today will not be like everyday. So my hope today is that I can find a way to make this work.

I feel no guilt for what I am setting out to do. True, I do love my sister dearly. She raised Big Brother and myself so lovingly and kindly. However, when it comes to Big Brother… well, all is fair in love and war, and for me, it seems that they are one and the same. So I will not think about the tears she will cry when I break her heart. I will think, instead, of the sweet perfection that is my Big Brother, and how I will be that much closer to him when this is all over.

As I made my way to her home, I wondered how I was going to do this. How am I going to get her to fall in love with me? I can't even get Big Brother to admit his feelings for me.

Well. That's depressing.

I suppose I'll just… do whatever comes to mind. How did that idiot American put it? "Winging it?" I'll just do that. As long as I'm careful, I know things will go my way. Simply because I know Big Brother and I are destined to be. _Just be patient, Natalia…_

I finally found myself at her front step. I could hear the unmistakable sound of her breasts as she rushed to answer the door after my knock.

"J-just a moment, please!" I heard her whimper as she came closer. I sighed. Typical Katya. "Y-yes? Who is it? Is it you, Vanya? If so, I-I'm so sorry, Vanya, b-but I.. I don't have any money for you! I'm so sorry, Vanya!" She opened the door a crack, peeking at me.

"Hello, Sister," I said simply.

"N-Natalia! I-I wasn't expecting this. I thought you were our beloved b-brother!" Her smile was rather weary, but a smile nonetheless. Oh, Katya. "Wh-what reason do you stop by my home, Natalia, dear? D-don't tell me… did Vanya send you? B-because I'm trying really hard-"

"I only wanted to come by and visit you, Sister," I stated simply.

Tears welled in her eyes. "R-really? J-just a visit?"

"Ye-" Next thing I knew, I was being completely smothered by my well-endowed sister.

"Oh, what a sweet, considerate little sister I have! I knew you had kindness in you! Oh, little Natalia! You're so k-k-kind!" And there goes the waterworks.

"S-Sister! I… can't… mrrmmffle-"

She released me, her hands on my shoulders, her eyes glistening in tears as she looked at me. "Y-you are so s-s-sw-sweet and dear, little Natalia, coming to v-visit me like this!"

I gasped for air a little bit. Suffocation by breasts is indeed possible, and any who think otherwise have never met Katyusha. "Y-yes, well. It… It has been a while since we've spent any time together… s-so I decided I would come and visit." I straightened out my dress and checked to make certain my bow was smoothed out.

She sniffled, smiling at me. Oh, Katya. Always smiling, even through your tears. "I'm s-so glad you came to visit me, my sweet little Natalia," she sighed, wiping her eye.

It was already getting tedious. How I wished to be with Big Brother instead. What if today was the day he'd change his mind…?

No, I already had this thought. It was worth the risk; I couldn't have him close to Katya so she could take him from me. No, I had to make her fall in love with _me _so she would stay away from _him_. He's my soul mate, after all. Fate will bring us together, and I'm just making it a little easier by going through with this.

I will not let her take what is mine, and I will not think about what state she'll be in when I inevitably break her heart.

I. Will. _Not_.

"Well, my little Natalia, why don't you come inside?" Her smile was warm, welcoming. "And I'll serve you some tea, and then maybe we could have a little chat?" She gave a jolt as if stricken. "U-unless you don't want to? P-perhaps you want to do something else-?"

"Nyet, Sister. Tea would be fine. I came to visit you, so do as you please." I sighed. I want to be with Big Brother, but I must do what I must.

Sister, I wish I could say I was sorry for what I'm going to do to you. However, this is love and this is war. I cannot be sorry, because that would mean I'd be sorry when I win.

And I know that I will not be sorry.

_I will not._

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**A/N: yes, so, here is chapter two.**

**I wanted to thank those who are encouraging me, my few reviewers and of course my Nana~.**

**I… think I /may/ be getting somewhere.**

**It kinda sucks that neither Belarus or myself really know what we're doing, ahaha…**

**Anyways, hopefully I can do this! Yeah! And again, I seriously appreciate the encouragement. ;w; it means so much, especially since I'm like. WoowtfamidoingIDKBUTWHATEVER. WE'LL GO WITH IT CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I ROLL.**

**And I'm trying so freaking hard to stay in character… this is the first time I've written Katyusha. :'D and though it's not my first time writing Natalia, it's certainly the first time I've written her without her thoughts consisting entirely of Russia-centricness. ;;**

**And look, it's even a little longer than the last chapter, thank god.**

**I hope you'll still stick with me and hopefully I'll have Chapter Three up soon! :D**


	3. 3: Missing Big Brother

**Disclaimer: I actually don't own any portion of Hetalia at all whatsoever. Bigsurprisethere. :'D**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

**A Hetalia fanfic~**

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**Chapter Three - Missing Big Brother**

**I - Guilt**

All that really transpired was the two of us drinking tea while she chatted somewhat hesitantly, but happily nonetheless.

She really did seem that happy that I'd come to visit. She was always so simple; I did my best not to seem too uninterested.

To be honest, I wasn't really listening too hard. I kept thinking about _him_, kept having to remind myself to stay on track. I had to at least pay a _little _bit of attention to her. I had to do all that I could, be as observant as I possibly could, had to be careful so I could succeed. I had to remember that I am doing this for him, that I had to do my best for him, so that I could be with him.

Oh, did I want to be with him.

Katya, I love you, but I love Big Brother even more. So I will listen to your nervous chatter and drink your tea and sit here with you. I will have you love me. I will break your heart. I will not be sorry.

Because I will _not _lose to you.

It was late by the time I returned home (our good-bye lasted longer than it should've, what with Katyusha suffocating me with her breasts and her tears for twenty minutes) and lay back on my bed, trembling.

I hadn't seen Big Brother since yesterday. I felt my head throbbing. I gave a crazed giggle. Was I actually going through some form of withdrawal? _all the more proof that we belong together, that we must marry and become one…_

I wanted to see him. I had to see him. I needed to see him. The need pounded through my body. It's only been a day. An entire day without even looking at his picture. I had refrained for fear of losing my resolve to see Katya instead of him.

A sliver of guilt went through me. _it seems like I am not being loyal to you, Big Brother, but I swear that I am. This is all in loyalty to you. I promise._

I needed to see him, I decided. It was late, and my breath was short; I was tired, but I had to see him.

Big Brother.

Forgive me for this venture, for I am only doing it for you. So do not be upset with me when you don't find me waiting for you each morning, or ready to make you lunch, or to give you vodka in the evening. Please forgive me, because this is for _us_. Our future that I _know _will happen.

I don't know how long it will take, but I will win Katya's heart, and then I will break it.

And you will be mine.

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**II - Watching**

I watched through him through the window, clinging to the wall like an expert. Of course. I have been doing this for many years.

I watched him as he sat down with his vodka, going over paperwork. It was so late…

"Big Brother… you should be sleeping…" my voice came out pained, quiet, my breath sending a small puff of fog onto the window. Not that he noticed. He was going to be drinking a lot, it seemed. I dared to hope it was because he missed me.

He looked so tired. I bit my lip, worry ran through my mind. "Sleep…" I sighed. How I wished I could be inside there, tucking him into bed, watching him sleep like the angel he was…

I couldn't, though. It hurt so much, how badly I wanted to be with him. I swallowed. "S-soon, Big Brother. I will… do my best to succeed so we can be together… I-I know I can't rush these things, but I will do my best… we will become one, just you wait and see…"

_I should go home. I must go see Katya again tomorrow. As much as I don't want to, I know that I have to._ Yes, it was important that I don't falter from my mission. At all.

Another sigh escaped me as I gently touched the window, feeling the sting of cold, watching him nurse his vodka while reading whatever was in front of him. "Oh, Big Brother… I have to leave now… I love you…"

Reluctantly, I was on my way back home. I needed rest. I decided that I may not go as early tomorrow; I needed to be well-rested so I could concentrate better. Yes, this made sense. Surely Katya wouldn't even be expecting another visit, so it would be okay if it wasn't the exact same time as today. Yes. This worked for me, and I ended up falling asleep without even bothering to undress.

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**A/N: so, chapter three up already! :'D I'mwritingprettyquickly. But y'know. Not that I have anything else better to do, da? :'D**

**So, yes. I gave it two parts because I disliked having two such short chapters, but I like the way I ended the first part as an ending, if that made any sense. So yeah.**

**Again, thank you guys so much for the encouragement~3 and I'm so glad I'm doing a good job writing Ukraine. ;;**

**Also, thanks to a random spurt of inspiration, I know what I'm doing now. Mostly. There's a few itty bitty almost-insignificant-but-not-quite hitches that I'm iffy about. Though I do know that Belarus isn't really doing anything too drastic. I apologize for anyone who thought there was some brilliant-fucking plan filled with twists and turns and such. :'D though I hope you'll enjoy it regardless, da? Because now I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pull it off and yeah. ;;**

**Anyways, again, thank you Nana for your supersweet comment on this**

**And thank you to my reviewers/readers/etc3 like really. I'm surprised I'm getting as much love with this as I have. Thank you so much, guys. ;w;**

**So yeah. Hopefully I'll get to chapter four soon here in a moment. Since I probably wont be sleeping for about four more hours, so! :D**

**~Avio**


	4. 4: Everyday :: Why?

**Disclaimer: hopefully you are aware that I don't own Hetalia. At all. ;_; it sucks but what can you do? :'D**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

_**A Hetalia fanfic~**_

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**Chapter Four - Everyday ~ Why?**

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I did, indeed, wake up a little bit later the next day. My eyes felt swollen and I had a slight headache; I must have been crying in my sleep. I didn't remember my dream, but I knew it had to do with Big Brother. Beautiful, flawless Big Brother…

I sighed, and prepared myself to go see Katya again today.

That afternoon, she was more teary than she was the day before when she opened the door.

First, she'd gone on about how sweet and considerate I am for visiting again. As if her fucking heart was going to explode.

Then she seemed to falter, and began to sob again. "I-I'm sorry, N-Natasha. I-it seems that my boss dislikes how I hadn't really gotten any work done yesterday- b-but that isn't to say that I'm not g-grateful! My sweet, dear, little Natalia! I-I'm s-s-s-so s-sorryyyy!" she whimpered shamelessly, covering her eyes in her woe.

I hadn't thought about this. I had to think quickly. It almost felt like if I didn't continue to spend _every _single day with my unsuspecting sister, my plan would fail. I was convinced.

"If you would like, dear Katya, I can simply wait until you finish. Perhaps even help you a little bi-" And then I was smothered again. I'd never really thought much about exactly how well-endowed my sister was, before, but lately it became harder and harder to dismiss.

"Oh, Natalia! You sweet, caring, considerate sister! You really don't have to! "

Oh, Katya. If only you knew that I am not doing this for you; I am doing this for Big Brother. I am doing this for my soul mate. So, Katya, you see? Your heart will only be a small but important sacrifice in the eternal happiness I will reach when I am with him at last.

It's worth it. Completely and utterly worth it.

"Nmff, Krtaa. Rt's ree nn bidrl-" She pulled away and I did my best to subtly gasp for air. "No, Katya. It's really no big deal. I will stay and help so you can be done quicker-"

She sighed dramatically, saying, "it's already enough that you're willing to wait so patiently! No, my sweet little sister, just wait for me~. It shouldn't take me too long!" She wiped her eye, a wide smile on her lips.

Stupid woman. Of course I'm patient. I've been waiting all of these years for Big Brother, haven't I…?

So I would wait until she finished her labor, and we would sit and drink tea, and she would chat in that sobby way she did.

The day after was the same, and the day after that, and the day after that. It became my every day. Then, each night, I would return to Big Brother's and watch him.

Before I knew it, it became my every day.

I was sitting at the table when she came in from her work one evening, stretching out her arms over her head, thus bringing further attention to her large bust. The material stretched over them (so much bigger than my own), clinging to her…

I blinked, surprised and somewhat embarrassed for catching myself staring, and I felt my cheeks become a little warmer. My eyes quickly darted up to read her expression, and to my relief, she didn't seem to notice. Instead, she seemed… pained? "Katya? Are you okay?" I asked.

She smiled tiredly at me, sitting at the table and sounding a little worn as she replied, "oh, Natalia, dear. So caring. My back only hurts a little bit. Lots of work, you see. It's okay, though. I deal with it all the time."

Ah, that's right. Because of her… endowment, she'd said she was prone to backaches. Poor Sister. I actually felt a tremor of sympathy for my big sister. What a pain it must be. She looked like it really hurt, though she tried not to show it.

I bit my lip gently. Katya does indeed work very hard for her people… just like how she worked so hard for Big Brother and myself.

I almost felt bad for what I was to do.

Almost.

I could not stray from my objective. This is all so I could be with Big Brother. The one I am destined to marry and love and cherish for the rest of our lives.

Katya, dear sister, I love you, but I will not be sorry.

I suddenly stood up and made my way over behind her, ignoring her look of confusion. I placed my hands on her shoulders and began to rub. "You work too hard, Katya," I sighed softly, close to her ear. I knew it was too fast to be too… _seductive_. However, it wouldn't hurt to be a little… _intimate_.

"O-oh, Natalia! You don't have to- You're far too kind!" She responded, and I felt her shoulders hitch under my hands, and knew she was about to start crying again.

_No, I'm not. Really, I'm not. Because I'm going to break your heart. I'm going to break your heart, and I'm not even going to bat an eyelash when you cry for me. This is for him. So you must understand._

Everything was for him.

"Don't worry, Katya. I am simply being kind to you as you are to me." And Big Brother.

She let out a shuddering sigh. "S-such a sweet girl-!" Her voice wavered from the tears.

"No, Katya, you are the sweet one." I could feel the rough material of her shirt, the worn denim of her overalls. It wasn't unpleasant-

_Big Brother._

I stopped abruptly, pulling away. Did I almost forget…? "I-is it better now, Big Sister?"

"Oh, yes, dear Natasha," she sniffled. She looked up at me with that teary smile of hers. "Thank you so much, my sweet little sister."

Something in me jumped, and I felt a blush crawling its way to my cheeks. I hastily looked up at the clock. "K-Katya, I am suddenly… tired. I believe I should retire home for now."

Her smile was instantly replaced with concern. "Natalia? Are you alright? You don't have a cold or anything, do you?"

"N-no-"

Her hand unwittingly stroked my cheek on its way up to my forehead, and I flushed at the sudden contact. Her brow furrowed. "Natalia, you're rather warm. Are you alright to travel?"

"Y-yes, of course I am, Katya." I could kill myself. What the fuck was wrong with me? This isn't my sweet Big Brother Vanya. This is just Katya. I shouldn't be acting like this. "I just need to get home and rest. Thank you so much, dearest Big Sister, for your hospitality."

I was gone before another word could be said.

When I got home, the first thing I did was prepare a warm bath. I needed to cleanse myself, cleanse my thoughts… I couldn't be getting flustered over Katya. That was just- the notion was just ridiculous.

No, I figured perhaps I was coming down with something, and it simply wasn't in its worse phase yet. It was probably from visiting Big Brother every night. I let out a slight whimper, hugging myself in the water. Did this mean I should stop going to see him? My plan would be of no use if I became sick.

I didn't want to stop seeing him in the night. I didn't want to! It wasn't fair! Why did I have to endure this? Why couldn't he just admit that he loved me and marry me?

I could feel tears stinging my eyes.

_I've been crying more than I'd like to admit lately, _I thought sourly.

I slowly sunk into the water, staring at the ceiling from beneath the surface.

_Oh, my dearest Big Brother. Why?_

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**A/N: ohboy. Here we go. Chapter four and I could kill myself for how out-of-character I was slipping. ;-; I hope it wasn't too bad, was it? :'D also I hope I'm not rushing things too much? Ugh. -headwall- idek. I have an idea for a sort of… intermission? Extra? Type thing that I've been dying to write but told myself not to write it until Chapter Four was finished.**

**And normally, I'd get right on it. However, it is currently 7:30AM as I type this, I have a slight headache, and I need sleep. ._. So I will write it later.**

**Again, thank you for your encouragement, everyone! 3;; especiallymydearNana. Fff. I hope you're all enjoying this. C':**

**Reviews will feed my little Russia-chan~ ;;**

**~Avio**


	5. Intermission?: I Katya's Everyday

**Disclaimer: yadayadayadaIdon'townHetaliayadayada**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

_**A Hetalia fanfic~**_

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**~Intermission?: Katya's Everyday~**

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_She surprised me the first day_

_So much, that I cried (which wasn't a surprise)_

_The second day was worse;_

_Why would I expect another visit so soon?_

_I cried harder, _

_even though I couldn't just sit with her like the day before._

_And so everyday it continued like this_

_My sweet little sister_

_And I_

_Everyday._

_It came to the point where everyday,_

_Around that time,_

_I would find myself staring at the door_

_Wishing, hoping, praying that she would come again today_

_That I wasn't just dreaming the other times_

_That she really does love me_

_What about Ivan?_

_I know she loved him_

_She loved him so much, I sometimes caught her crying over it_

_(which she would immediately dry her tears and stalk off_

_As if it never happened.)_

_So why was she suddenly visiting me?_

_Not that I'm complaining_

_I love her so much_

_I raised her and little Vanya with all that I had_

_I can't help but wonder if something happened._

_Either way, I do know that she comes_

_Every single day, she comes_

_I don't really understand why_

_But I know that I'd be lying_

_If I said it didn't make me extremely happy._

_Sweet little Natalia,_

_Will you be coming again today?_

_Or will you forget me again_

_And go after him_

_Again?_

_

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**A/N: so yeah, I wanted to write this so freaking badly [for a few days now. ;;] but I forbade myself until I wrote Chapter Four. And then I ended up writing that at seven-thirty in the morning [this morning] and I proceeded to pass out afterwards. [two and a half hours past my regular bedtime! :'D] so I'm glad I finally got to write this**

**Just a random little poemdrabblething from Katya's point of view. It's referring to Natalia's visits everyday, clearly. Whether or not it's completely part of the story or not, I'm not certain of yet. ;; I think I'll leave that up to you guys~ believe what you want to believe~**

**So I'll get to work on Chapter Five possibly here in a few. And probably have it up at some ridiculous hour in the morning [or I wont, idk, don't expect it. ]**

**So I hope you all enjoy this tiny little piece in this so-not-complicated story.**

**Also again. I'm not moving too fast am I? or falling out of character too much? ;_;**

**Anyways, I love you for reading this all the way through, and I thank you dearly~**

**Nana, I hope you like this little bit. :'D**

**~Avio**


	6. 5: Nyet

**Disclaimer: yeah, yeah, Hetalia does not belong to me. Sodon'tsuemeIdon'thaveanymoneyanwaysso!**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

**A Hetalia fanfic~**

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**Chapter Five - Nyet**

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It took me a while to finally fall asleep, due to the throbbing headache that so kindly graced me after my bath. Normally, I wouldn't care if I got sick if it meant I could see Big Brother, but I had to be able to visit Katyusha again so I could be with him.

The ends had to justify the means, and if that meant feeling d-d-_disloyal_ to him or neglecting him at night, then it's what I had to do. In the end, I would be with him. So now does not matter.

This was what I told myself as my head pulsed in pain before I finally fell asleep, and I continued to tell myself as it ached upon my wakening.

Dammit. I was getting so sick of this-!

I shouldn't have gotten so flushed because of Katya. Big Brother was the only one who ever did that before. I had to be coming down with something. Should I visit her again?

_The end justifies the means, the end justifies the means, the end justifies the means…_

Yes. Yes it did. It had to.

I would see her again today, and if I did any embarrassing flushing, it would simply be the result of this small cold I must be getting, or the fact that I haven't seen or touched Big Brother in so long.

Yes.

"N-Natalia! You came again today!" My sister was starting her blubbering again.

I sighed. "Yes, Katya, I come every day, do I not? Why would today be any d-" I didn't get to finish when, once again, I was being smothered. Her scent rushed into my senses, and I was more aware of how soft she was than usual. I felt that fever flaring up again, my cheeks burning as I struggled for air.

"Even when you weren't feeling so well yesterday, you still came to visit me! My kind, considerate little Natasha! Sweet Natalia! My dear little sister!" She cried, tears streaming.

"K-Kyshr! Rr ct brth!" She released me with a teary smile, and invited me in. There was a basket on the table, the contents tucked in with a handkerchief. I looked at her quizzically.

She flushed a little bit, still smiling. "I was going to come over to give this to you when I was done with my work, but it seems you came over yourself, so I suppose I can just give it to me now."

I couldn't help but feel a warm flutter of happiness at the gift. Katya had been thinking of me enough to give me a gift, in hopes that I would feel better. Just for me.

_If only Big Brother thought about me like that… I wish…_

I knew Katya would probably do it for anyone if she knew, but the fact of the matter was she did it for _me_. I couldn't remember the last time someone gave me gifts, and even though it was _Katya _(who _would _do it for _anyone_), I still felt pretty surprised, and even… touched? Yes. I felt touched.

_I wish Big Brother could have done the same for me…_

The silence brought me out of my reverie, and I realized she was watching me warily. I turned to her, trying not to let that damned fever surface, and I said to her quietly, "Th-thank you, Katyusha. I… I truly appreciate this."

Her smile was of joyous relief as she handed it to me. "It's nothing at all, Natasha dear. It's the least I could do to repay you for your kind visits. B-besides, it's only n-normal to try to help someone when they're not feeling well… I-isn't it?"

I felt my lips twitch at her uncertainty. _It's rather cute how Big Sister tries so hard, not even sure of what she's doing- _What? No. _I love Big Brother. _He _is the cute one, the _only _cute one. I can't think this of Katya… _"I suppose so, Katya."

Relief once again filled her face. "Well, my dear Natasha. I'm going to continue to my work. I don't have much today, so just sit and rest and I will be done in no time! Feel free to indulge yourself," she said cheerfully, pulling out the chair for me. She gently placed her hands on my shoulders as I sat, and I could feel their warmth through my sleeves. _Katya is always so warm… she always has been… like how she used to keep Big Brother and myself warm, shielding us from General Winter…_

A sort of… warm shudder ran through me at the memories. She was always doing her best for us.

I watched her through the window as she worked. She worked hard, stopping only on occasion to dab the sweat from her forehead. Kind, toiling Katya. Always doing her best. Always caring so much. Always so kind. Always smiling.

_She's so strong, despite all of her blubbering._

I remembered all of her hugs, and how she used to hold Big Brother and I, and I realized, yes, Katya was _very _strong, even if she was always crying. _Strong and warm and protective…I can see why she's his favorite…_

_She's his favorite, and he's her favorite._

My breath caught in my throat as I suddenly wondered, _why aren't I someone's favorite? I know they love me, but…_

My fucking eyes were starting to water again, my nose stinging as the prelude to the tears I knew were coming.

This was horrible.

I couldn't cry here, not then, not ever. Why the fuck had I been crying so much anyways! Was it from spending so much time with Katya? That had to be it, that must be it.

It certainly wasn't because the dark truth wasn't slowly dawning on me.

has_to._

The desperate hope started scrambling through my brain, trying to stop the crying.

_H-he only runs away b-because… because…_

"N-Natalia!" My head shot up at the sound of her voice. "Are you alright? Y-you look so distressed!" The concern on her face made my stomach turn. Maybe I really was sick, I was _very _sick, and I should go home.

"I-it seems that I'm feeling unwell again, Katya. I… I will go home now, and rest. Th-thank you again for the kind gift-" I couldn't continue. I grasped the basket tightly and ran for the door.

I was running home, and for a minute I could hear her pursuing me (she had a very distinct noise when she moved).

I wanted to hurt something, I wanted to kill someone, anything to distract me from this-!

These feelings bubbling up inside me like an angrily boiling pot that's been neglected for too long. The only difference was, I had a feeling that these feelings wouldn't just evaporate, not just like that.

I had to see him. I had to go see him. Fuck this plan. Fuck it all. I was only going to get him to marry me through my tenacity, my stubbornness, my strength! What was I even thinking?

I felt so angry, so desperate…

_I had to see him._

I was at his door before I knew it. I ignored the cold, and rapidly knocked on the door.

It was Toris who answered. I didn't have time for the Lithuanian today, not today. "Move it." I demanded, pulling out a knife. _Ah, sweet comrade, it's been too long since I have unsheathed you!_

He smiled. "Wh-why, Miss Natalia! We haven't seen you in a few days! I hope you've been well? I-"

"Move. It." I growled. "I wish to see Big Brother! I wish to see him right now!" I shoved him out of my way as I barged into Big Brother's home.

"Big Brother! Big Brother!" I shrieked, my gaze flicking about, searching for him madly. Where was he? "Big Brother! I have come for you! I want to marry you!"

I heard a door slam, and thundered down the hallway to the source. I heard the click of a lock from his room just as I reached the door. I frantically struggled with the doorknob, trying to get in. I snarled as I pounded on the door. "Unlock this door! Big Brother, I know you're in there! Let me in!" _Please, let me in! Let me in, please! Oh, Big Brother, please! Please! Please! Why do you always do this? Why? Why? _"Why? Why, Big Brother! It's locked! Why is it locked!" _It must have become broken again, just like always. After all, Big Brother would never _intentionally _lock me out, no, not ever…_

My thoughts and my spoken words were a mess, sprawling out my lips and raging around my mind. I felt maddened. I used this madness to continue pounding and scratching at the door.

"G-go away, Natalia! Please, just go away!" I heard him sobbing.

Reason began to escape me, irrationality settling into my mind. _He must be hurt! Someone was probably bullying him again and he just doesn't want me to worry! Why does he not realize that I will nurse all of his pains, I will dry all of his tears, I will **kill**__ all of the bullies?_

"Who hurt you, Big Brother? Let me in! Let me see! Let me help you! Let me marry you! Marry me and I will always be here for you! We can become one!" _and I'll be your favorite! Because you are mine! We are perfect for each other!_

"N-nobody! Just go away, Natalia! Go home! Everything was fine while you were away!"

What was he saying? No, I must have misheard him. Yes, that's what happened. Either that, or he was so hurt, he was saying nonsense. Clearly he must have missed me as much as I missed him-

_Even though Katya is so warm and soft and-_

What the fuck? Where did that come from? Surely I was truly mad at this point. I needed to get into that room, needed to marry Big Brother-

The doorknob. Again. That _fucking doorknob_, in my fucking way _again_.

I began my onslaught on the doorknob, kicking at it and scratching at the wood around it with my knife, with my nails…

I could feel the tips of my fingers growing raw; it's been a while since I did this. My fingers were soft and weak again. _No matter, they will grow strong again._

"Big Brother! It seems that your doorknob is broken again! I will gladly rid you of it! That way, _nothing _will stand in our way ever _again_!" A slight giggle bubbled through my lips as I heard it cracking.

I could hear him whimpering on the other side. "Do not worry, Big Brother! I will be there soon! And I will wipe your tears and we will be married! Married, Big Brother!"

_CRR-aaackKK~!_

I kicked the remnants of the door out of my way. "Big Brother! Marry me! We will become one! We will be married and we will be one-"

He was sobbing even louder. "P-please, Natalia, please _just go home_! Go _back _to wherever you _have _been! Get away from me, _please_! I do not wish to marry you!" He cried from behind his bed.

"You do not wish…" I trailed off, breathing deeply from exertion, my crazed mind trying to make sense of what he just said. No, it did not matter. I smiled. "No, Big Brother, you cannot say 'no' to me today! I have been completely faithful a-and strong and-" _and I have not been falling for Big Sister Katya, so you cannot say no to me, not today-_

"Please, my little sister, _I do not wish to marry you!_ Never! So please, just stop coming! Stop terrorizing me!" His voice was high-pitched, he sounded so frightened.

I tilted my head. "N-never…?" What did that mean, this 'never' that left his mouth? My head began to clear, slowly, but it was clearing. How strange, this hadn't happened before during my proposals…

_Never. Never. He said never. What does it mean? N-no! Big Brother loves me, and __**not **__Katya! He loves me and… and he's just scared! Yes! He is only scared! H-he wants to marry me, he wants to marry me, he really, really wants to, he-_

"D-does not wish to marry me…?" I finished out loud, my voice breaking. I looked over at my brother's curled up form, he was shaking, he was _frightened_, and he did not wish to marry me.

_I am not his favorite. He does not wish to marry me._

The truth finally struck me, and it struck me hard. "Y-you don't want to marry me?" I asked again, trying to keep my voice from misbehaving.

He looked up from his knees, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "N-no, Natalia. I do not."

I took a shaky step back. "Y-you… you do not…"

"N-nyet," was his whimpered response.

"N-nyet." I repeated with a slight, shivery laugh, another step backwards. "Nyet. Nyet." I could not cry in front of Big Brother-

_What does it matter, he doesn't want to marry you, why should you try anymore?_

I fled.

My insides hurt. My head, my lungs, my stomach, my _heart_.

It was cold, but I ignored it. I ran, ran, _ran_.

His frightened voice echoed in my mine.

"_N-nyet."_

"_N-nyet."_

I angrily brought my hands to my ears. "Sh-shut up! Shut up! _Just shut the fuck up!" _I screamed, still running.

I was home before I knew it, slamming my way inside, crumbling onto the floor, sobbing. My sides were heaving, my head was aching, my body was shaking horribly, my eyes burned with tears.

My plan to get Katya to fall for me backfired, my plan to marry Big Brother backfired, my attempt to be the favorite completely backfired.

_Do they even love me?_

"_N-nyet."_

_Why wasn't I anyone's favorite?_

* * *

**A/N: holy fucking shit, this was long, and I apologize /profusely/ good lord jesus. I am so sorry. Once I start writing angst. ;; ANDWOOANGSTIAMHAPPYcoughcough.**

**Anyways, yes. I am dreadfully sorry for all of that, and especially the weak ending. I just… yeah. I couldn't let myself continue. ._. Or it would /never/ end. Herp freaking derp.**

**Also I am /so/ freaking sorry for kind of recycling a bit of my writing. I mean, not word-for-word, but the whole Natalia's-heart-is-breaking bit, which is frighteningly similar to Big Brother, I'm Sorry…, I apologize for that. Though I couldn't think of another way to write it. :'D Ugh. Someone shoot off my fingers or something. Like really.**

**And I would have written sooner, but for one, I've been spamming poor Nana with it and she hasn't had a chance to get to the last few chapters. ;; that, and I had a tiny little Writer's Block.**

**That was apparently pulverized. Thisissofuckinglongohgod/why/.**

**Also, I want to thank TelephonePollster**** oodles~ because your reviews always make me smile. :'D thank you so much for reading this with each chapter~ and I'm so glad you like what I'm writing. C':**

**Anyways~ since this is long enough, I'll end this here and now~! Nana, I hope it is to your liking as I always do! [my Pure-Love Maiden must always be happy! 3]**

**Thank you for bearing with me~**

**~Avio**


	7. 6: Warm

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia~. If I did, I don't think it would be a fraction as amazing as it is.**

**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

_**A Hetalia fanfic**_

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**Chapter Six - Warm**

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_It was like my blood had been replaced with lead; I felt so heavy and so, _so _very cold. Even my eyelids felt like heavy, icy sheets over my eyes, not wanting to open. I had another headache, worse than the ones before. I felt this dull ache in my chest, as if my heart had broken, but I couldn't remember why. It was like I was enveloped in thick, stifling fog. I had no sense of anything-_

"N-Natasha? Natasha? Natasha, wake up!" The speaker was sobbing and shaking me.

I opened my eyes, with somewhat difficulty, to find Katya bending over me, her eyes swimming with tears and her face twisted with worry. "K-Katya?" I managed to mumble.

A smile of relief and pure joy broke across her face, and next thing I knew she was holding me tightly. "Oh, Natasha! My dear, sweet Natasha! I-I-I was so _worried_!" She was sobbing into my hair because of the way she was holding me. My cold skin burned at the contact with her own warmth, but I was too disoriented to care too much. That, and Katya was speaking so quickly, I don't believe she had any breaks for air. "I-I came to make sure you were okay after you left, b-but you weren't here! S-s-so I went to Vanya's and I heard that you'd run away s-so I came back here as soon as I heard and I found you here on the floor, door left wide open and-!"

"K-Katya, my sister, please." I groaned quietly. I'd been getting so many headaches lately, and I was too preoccupied with that to fully comprehend what was said. At least, right away. However her panicked words were slowly starting to register, and in a flood I remembered what had transpired. A wave of pain washed over me, all of me.

"_N-nyet," my brother's relieved expression as I finally allow myself to understand what he's been trying to tell me for years, what I tried so desperately to deny-_

I bit my tongue to keep from crying again. Suddenly it hurt to even breathe. I didn't know what to do with myself. Katya was here, so crying back to sleep was out of the question. I couldn't run again; I could barely move, and I was so cold.

I didn't want to accept it. I could almost feel waves of the maddened anger I was so familiar with, almost ready to march back over there and again beg him for marriage.

_Married, married, married! Doesn't that sound wonderful~! Big Brother, we could become one and be married, married, married!_

Oh god. I could _not _cry. No, no I could not, _would not _cry in front of _Katyusha_, of all people. I should just push her off, assure her that I am okay, simply feeling ill is all, and that she could go home. I would visit her tomorrow. Yes, that would do-

"Natasha… what happened, my dear little sister?" Her voice dripped with concern, her hold on me loosening somewhat.

Well, here we go. I had to tell her now. I opened my mouth to assure her, trying to recover my usual cool disposition and-

Nothing came out. No words, no sounds, not a single syllable, came to my lips. A breath of air strained out as I tried to exhale. I closed my mouth, looked away from her. Maybe I should try that again.

"Natasha?" I was certain that I would see tears in her eyes if I looked up, so I kept my gaze away.

My nose began to tingle, the corners of my eyes burning, and I struggled to keep the whimper caught in my throat. _Shit, not again. I don't want to do this again. Not in front of _Katyusha_, not in front of _her_, oh please she does not need to seem me like this, nobody does…_

"I-I… N-no worries, Katya. I-I am… I am fine. I just… I-I just-" I was cut off by a whine suddenly slipping from my mouth. Fuck.

Her voice was alarmed this time. "N-Natasha! Natasha, did something bad happen?" Wide, wide eyes of concern staring into me.

"N-nyet," I whimpered. "Th-that's… that's what he said… h-he said nyet. H-he looked s-so terrified, I-"

Her arms were around me once again, and I was a little girl again, crying into her older sister's breast, being comforted by one of the only, what? Two people who ever cared about her? Katya stroked my hair, whispering into my ear gentle words of comfort.

Had she always been so warm and soft, so comforting, and… so _welcoming_? I suppose she'd had to have been; she used to hold Big Brother and myself like this always.

When did I forget how lovely this feels?

Cautiously, I wrapped my arms around her middle, snuggling into her breasts, trying to be closer than I already was if it was possible.

She only held me tighter, my heart pounding as I felt her soft whisper on my ears, her fingers weaving through my hair.

"Oh, Natasha, my poor Natasha, I know how badly it must hurt right now." She sounded so sad, but how foolish of her! She couldn't _possibly _know.

I wanted to tell her as much, snap at her, push away from her, run away from her.

I wanted to run back to my Big Brother, _make _him take it back, _tell _him it was a **mistake**, he _would _marry me, and I _wouldn't _take "_nyet_" for an answer.

Though, at the same time… it had been so long since I was held like this, by _either _of my siblings. _And Katya is so warm…_

She was humming the tune of a song I'd forgotten so long ago. I felt relaxed and sleepy. I felt loved and safe.

It was unfamiliar, but nice, nonetheless.

_**you have always been my favorite.**_

When I woke up, I was somewhat surprised to realize that I was snuggled against Katya, still in my hallway, but she was against the wall, her arms still around me.

I didn't allow myself to think; if I did that, I would only think about earlier. I did not want to do that. Not right now. Not when it finally feels like someone loves _me_, even if it _is _just Katya who is kind to _everybody, _and would do this for _anybody_.

No, I wouldn't think about that.

The only thing I wanted to concentrate on was the feeling.

I would worry about the painful things later.

* * *

**A/N: hello again! I must deeply apologize for this being so unbearably late! D: likereallytruly. I had a hideous case of Writer's Block, which is why this chapter is so… eh… iffy. I'm not sure if I'm quite happy with it or not. :'D I feel like I'm going terribly out of character. Sigh. I'm sorry everyone! ;-; I will try to do a better job on the next chapters [which, by the way, you get a nice Intermission after this one, hurray!] and hopefully this will be what you expected. Or at least somewhat decent. Aheh.**

**Also I am trying to come up with a nice, new title for this. Ireallydisliketheoneihave. **

**So, um, yeah! Again, I thank you so much for your reading, I am pleased if you like it, and if you review, little Russia-chan will be able to eat. C': anyways! I hope you enjoyed this, even if it was rather iffy.**

**Again, Nana, I hope this is to your liking thus far~3;; I don't want to disappoint my lovely Pure-Love Maiden of the Snow. :'D**

**Soum. You'll probably get that "Intermission" like. Five minutes after this or something. :'D**

**Until the next chapter~!**

**~Avio :3**


	8. Intermssion?:II Finally::You Have Always

**Disclaimer: Hetalia does not belong to me~ [this hasn't changed in the past… seven? chapters,, including Intermission? I.**

* * *

**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

**A Hetalia fanfic~**

* * *

**Intermission? II - Finally ~ You Have Always…**

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_So it finally happened._

_Finally he broke your heart completely._

_Finally it got all the way through to you._

_Finally, you have broken completely._

_My poor, dear, beautiful little Natasha._

_I feared for this day to come._

_I never wanted to see you like this._

_It breaks my heart._

_I'd always hoped, for your sake, that he would at least humor you a little bit._

_Or that you would have given up, magically without heartbreak._

_But, alas, my sweet Natasha, that is not how it went._

_I can't even imagine how you must have felt when his rejection finally went all the way through, past the insanity that seems to linger in our blood, past the irrationality and denial._

_Finally it has come, and both our hearts are broken._

_For years I have watched as you wept over him, strived for him, did _everything _for him._

_I thought you'd forgotten I was here in your pursuit of our dear brother._

_So I avoided you in fear that you would look upon me the same way you look at everyone who is not Vanya._

_I knew you must have hated me for leaving him, for making you leave him as well…_

_Those thoughts always plagued me, always hurt to think about._

_So, now, as you have finally accepted the truth, you have allowed me to hold you._

_I could not express enough how happy it makes me._

_I feel you crying against me, wrap your arms around me. Encouraged, I hold you tighter and let my fingers entangle themselves in your hair. I whisper to you the sweetest words I could say-_

[without letting you know, letting you know what's in my heart-]

_-in my effort to calm you down._

_And it works._

_Soon you are pressed against me, sleeping soundly, and I cannot even begin to say how happy I feel with you close to me like this._

_I gently move us against the wall; my back hurts and I want to be able to enjoy this._

_I can only hope you do not mind my hands… they are roughened from all of the work I do._

_О, моя мила, дорога Наташа…_

_I am so sorry that he does not love you the way that you love him._

…_I…_

_I am so sorry… that he does not love you the way that _I _love you._

_Did you know… Natasha, did you know? You probably did not, so I will tell you, though I know you are probably sound, sound asleep._

_Didn't you know?_

_**you have always been my favorite.**_

* * *

**A/N: okaysie~ I know you /just/ got Chapter Six, but I actually wrote this like. Two lines before finishing Chapter Six. :'D I just had to write is, I couldn't even finish those last few lines. Wow, Avio. Just wow.**

**Though I did wait a /teensy/ bit to submit it. I'meagerandimpatientDERP.**

**Anyways, again, I apologize if Katyusha is too out of character with this. ;-; if it's **_**horribly **_**out of character, please just let me know?**

**Translation: О, моя мила, дорога Наташа…/O, moja mjla, doroha Natasha ...**

**= Oh, my sweet, dear Natasha…**

**Please, any of you who speak/read/write Ukrainian, please forgive me if I did a dreadful job with that [woo internet translators! ;_;]. I dearly hope I didn't get that wrong, and please do correct me if I did. ;-; I really appreciate it, and I'm sure you probably do, too. :'D**

**-laugh- these probably don't really count as "intermissions," but I suppose it could mean an intermission from Natalia's point of view, da?**

**Again, I hope you have enjoyed this~**

**~Avio**


	9. 7: This Stupid Feeling

**Disclaimer: do I even need to say what I do and do not own. [Hetalia being in the "do not" category.]**

* * *

**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

**A Hetalia fanfic~**

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**Chapter Seven - This Stupid Feeling**

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It was early morning when I woke up, so early the sun had yet to rise. It took me a few moments to remember why I had been sleeping in the hallway while Katya was holding me. It was the second time I had to endure a rush of memories, the pain of the rejection that finally got through, but I wasn't going to cry. I'd done enough at this point. In fact, I felt a little ashamed at how _weak _I'd been acting. Sobbing like a child, allowing Katyusha to take pity one me, falling asleep in my _hallway _(in my _clothes,_ no less)of all places. I sighed, feeling disappointed in myself.

I could have at least tried to walk away with some _dignity _after my brother's words hit home. I could have ignored them, could have continued living in denial, but I think it occurred to me that I didn't want him to be _afraid _of me, I wanted him to _love _me, to _marry _me. Normally, when I pursued him, my lovesick madness never cleared well enough for me to see how frightened he really was. Why was yesterday so different?

A sigh emitted from Katyusha, and I froze, suddenly very, _very _aware of her presence as a thought suddenly crashed into my mind.

No.

No, that _couldn't _be it. Katyusha had nothing to do with it, _nothing_.

I carefully turned around to look at her while doing my best not to wake her. I felt my face flush as my breath caught. Shakily, almost without realizing it, I put a hand over my heart, feeling it throb in my chest, feeling my fingertips pulsing.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? _

"Mm… Natalia?" Shit. She'd woken up.

"M-morning, Katya," I replied, doing my best to keep emotion out of my voice.

She yawned, hand over her mouth in an almost delicate way. I bit my lip lightly, my eyes darting away. When she finished, she gave me a look of utmost concern. "My dear Natasha, are you feeling any better this morning?" She reached out and brushed a stray hair aside, and it seemed like she was barely touching my skin. I swallowed.

"Y-yes, Katya. Thank you. I-I'm feeling much better this morning. Thank you for your concern." _Thank you for caring, Katya._

She smiled as if in relief, and pulled me into a hug (and somehow managing to not-smother me in the process). "I really am glad, then, Natasha. I'd hate for you to be in too much pain." Her voice was soft and warm. I swallowed again and could feel the heat in my cheeks.

"I-it's not like I didn't know all along, Katya." I responded quietly, unsure as to whether I should try to push away or not. I… I didn't _think _I wanted to, though I felt like I _should _want to. "Th-though it does still hurt, I-I'll live. I'll be alright, thank you." Reluctantly, I pulled away. There was a smile on her face as I stood up, straightening my dress. "My sister, you must be hungry. I can come up with some breakfast?" I held my hand out to help her up.

Her smile widened as she took it, though it was somewhat… sad? Something in me didn't like it.

I could feel how calloused her hand was, and I mentally commented that it wasn't actually very surprising (_or unpleasant_). _Big Sister, you are so hard-working._ "Ah, that would be lovely, dear. However, I would be happy to make it instead if you are not up to it."

"N-no, I can manage. I-" I thought it over. "Perhaps it would be better… While I'm certain I would manage just fine, I'm a little distracted this morning."

She nodded in understanding and made her way to my kitchen. I followed her, thoughts swirling in my head.

After breakfast, we sat at my kitchen table, silently drinking coffee. Everything in my head was all sorts of levels of fucked up, so I was less up to talking than usual. I knew Katyusha knew this, which was why she didn't attempt conversation.

Finally, I opened my mouth to ask the only thing I really could think to ask. "What am I supposed to do now?" I stared into my cup, brow furrowed.

Katyusha was silent for a few moments, then: "I… am not sure. Perhaps you should go see him? Unless you still need more time away from him? Either way, in the end, it's up to you what you should do." Her voice and expression were completely solemn, which was so unlike her. Then again, I couldn't expect her to be cheerful all the time, and this wasn't something you could be cheerful about. Not really. "I will be here for you either way," she added, somewhat hesitantly, it seemed.

I gave a small, humorless chuckle. "Yes, I suppose so, hm?" I thought about it for a few more silent moments. "I think… I think that I will go see him. I'm no coward, and despite how long it may take to get over this, he is still my brother. I still love him. I am not going to hide from him, as humiliating as it was."

"Oh, Natasha, that is so like you," she was giving me that sad smile again. I felt something twist in my heart.

_Don't look like that, Katya, please don't look sad like that. I don't want you to be sad I-_

I abruptly stopped that train of thought, my heart pounding again.

_Th-this doesn't make any sense. I-I…I only ever felt like this… f-for… for _him_. F-for Big Brother. S-so wh-why? Why was I feeling like this? When did this happen? Why Katya? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I stood up suddenly. I had to stop this ridiculous thinking, _this stupid feeling. _"I-I'll do it now. Right now. I'll… I'll apologize for my behavior in the past a-and… and I…" I sat back down. "I guess we'll have to see from there, wont we?"

"I guess so," she replied, that sadness still lingering in her eyes. I swallowed (again. I'd been doing that a lot this morning.) and was unable to look away.

"Katya… why do you look sad? I hate seeing you look so sad and it only makes my heart hurt-" I burst out without thinking. Shit. That wasn't supposed to be out loud, that wasn't supposed to be out loud, that fucking wasn't supposed to fucking be out fucking loud! "E-er… I-I mean… I-it concerns me… I-"

Her eyes were wide with surprise, a flush on her face. I could feel my cheeks warming themselves. _Katya looks… cute when she blushes- _

"I… I should go see Big Brother now." My chair fell over as I stood up again. It felt like my heart was going to pound itself out of my chest, like Big Brother's can do sometimes, though I knew this was an entirely different reason.

"Y-your heart hurts?" She looked so surprised, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

Panic started to rise. She was going to find out about these stupid feelings. I'd already had one rejection not a full day ago, and I wasn't up for another one. Not when it was this soon. I knew that this feeling was newer, and not at all as deep-rooted as the feelings for Big Brother, but rejection so soon after the first wouldn't do. No, I had to get to Big Brother's. I had to apologize. I had to leave before-

"Natalia?"

Was that hope that I saw in her eyes? N-no, it was only my madness doing to me what it had always done to me, making me see differently than what was really there. It did it with Big Brother, and now it was doing it with Katya.

"I-I just… I-I'm just concerned for my sister, b-but yes. Yes, it hurts to see you sad." I bit my lip, backing away slightly. I was feeling the impulse to get my knife, flash it towards her, to either tell her to forget it or confess. Either way would not bode well. I tried not to let the mad thoughts have their way.

"R-really?" Fuck, she _sounded _pretty hopeful.

Swallow. "Y-yes."

She began to cry.

Of course.

"H-how _kind _of you, Natasha! How _sweet _and _good _and _kind _you are!" She was smiling as she cried.

Smiling.

_Nononononon-_

She was already on her way to hug me, and my panic rose higher. I stepped back a step. "I-I… I have to go see Big Brother!" Another step back. "Y-you're welcome to stay for as long as you'd like, K-Katya." Another. "I-I will be home l-later-"

She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the hug. "Of course, dear! I understand! I'm just so happy you were concerned for me! It's so sweet." She let me go, beaming. "I suppose I should go home now, anyways. My boss is probably very unhappy with me." She was tearing up again. "I was happy to spend time with you, dear Natasha! A-and good luck with Vanya! Feel free to stop by after if you need to." She added, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I almost fell backwards, but she was already on her way out. My panic dwindled down, and the urge to stab something receded. I tried to restrain myself from touching my cheek; it was too fucking cliché.

It didn't work. I stood, stunned, my hand on my cheek, like an idiot in a cheesy movie. Disgusting. I got over my shock, my hand curling into a fist in frustration, my nails scraping my cheek as they curled inward.

_What the fuck is going on?_

Didn't matter, I had to see Big Brother and apologize. I felt the determination rising, the panic slowly going with it. I couldn't be a coward.

_A-and I will deal with these stupid feelings later._

* * *

**A/N: phew. This was fun to write, I'm not going to lie. And I am very well aware that it veered back and forth between being in-character and out-of-character, but I'm still rather pleased with the way it turned out. That, and fuck you Writer's Block, I've already got ideas for the next two updates, kthx.**

**Though I'm still not sure how Russia's going to react to all of this. ;; derp.**

**Also, hey, look, I'm finally getting more intimate! :'D again, I really hope I'm not going too fast with this? -laugh- I feel like some teenaged boy who's freaking out with his girlfriend. "I'mnotgoingtoofastamI? I am? FUCK." x'D thankgod'mnotmale. Derp**

**Anyways, I hoped you guys enjoyed this~ :'D**

**Thank you so much for reading, and reviews will feed my poor little Shimeji~! 3;; [though I'm happy that people actually read this.]**

**[small edit: inconsistent use of Big Brother. :'D i put "Nii-san" instead, due to a friend of mine who's my russia in cosplay. however, for some reason, i don't like to use "Nii-san" in my stories. :'D it seems somewhat inaccurate.]**

**~Avio**


	10. Intermission?: III Questions

**Disclaimer: I own Hetalia just about as much as I own Jamba Juice. Which is not at all. [I wish I did. Fucking jamba juice is like my demon blood/crack/addiction. ;-;]**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

_**A Hetalia fanfic~**_

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**Intermission III - Questions**

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_I knew it would have been too much to hope for._

_Of course you weren't going to get over him in one night; why would I expect that?_

_However, it does seem… there's something different about you._

_You're in pain, but how like you to stand up tall and face your problems._

_I feel proud to have raised you._

_Maybe it was a mistake falling in love with my little sister_

_Especially since she was in love with my older brother._

_Our family is so messed up, isn't it?_

_But I think it's beautiful, just like you are._

_Seeing that blush in your face - was that for me?_

_You practically shouted that you hated seeing me sad._

_But, Natasha, I am always crying._

_Did you see something different?_

_Do you see past my normal crying?_

_Did you notice my feelings?_

_Would it be too much to hope for - you actually feeling for me?_

_You said that you were concerned… d-dare I believe that I saw something more?_

_But then… you actually said you were concerned._

_Could it be…? well, I knew you always cared to some degree._

_But…_

_Could it be that you really __**care **__about me?_

_That… that you __**remember **__me?_

_Would it be too much to…?_

_As I run home, tears streaming down my face, I think of your expression. You looked like you were panicking._

_Why?_

_You looked ready to run away, and at some points… something else_

**[a shiver went down my spine but it's not like I didn't know you were dangerous I can see plenty of that after all I raised you and you and Vanya are so alike in many ways-]**

_And you looked so panicked._

_C-could it be?_

_Dare I hope?_

_Should I __**bother **__hoping?_

_Could you actually possibly…?_

_Is it possible that you could fall in love with me?_

* * *

**A/N: WOO more ooc Ukraine for you guys. But I was told that it's okay in this sense so. ;;**

**Anyways, yes, I had to have this little intermission of Katyusha asking herself these questions.**

**If you haven't picked up on it yet, Katyusha was already in love with her. :'D because I'm a derp like that.**

**Well, it seems to go better with the story. :'D idon'tknowwhatdoyouguysthink? **

**Anyways, I've got a slight idea for the next chapter, but I'm still unsure as to how dear little Vanya will be feeling about all of this. :'D DERP.**

**Also i apologize for it being so short. ;_; ipromisetotrytomakeupforit.**

**or maybe add more and reupload. :'D idkopinions?**

**Thanks for sticking with me this long, and I hope I wont disappoint you!**

**~Avio**


	11. 8: Apology

**Disclaimer: of the many things in this world that I do not own, Hetalia is among them.**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

_**A Hetalia fanfic~**_

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**Chapter Eight - Apology**

* * *

So there I was, standing before his door, my fist poised midair, ready to knock. It was ridiculous how nervous I felt, but I had to do this. What had happened was nothing less than humiliating, and I had to redeem myself. I am certain he would be proud of me for that, right?

Would he be proud of me?

I lowered my fist, taking a step back. What if he didn't love me at all anymore? What if I scared away any good feelings he'd had of me? It was enough to nearly paralyze me.

…Wait.

No.

This was unacceptable.

_What the fuck is wrong with you, Natalia? Normally you would have already barged in and gotten everything done._

_B-but normally I-_

_What does it matter anymore? It already happened, you know the truth, so now just get over it and do what you came to do._

I surprised myself at my own resolve. I'd been nothing short of a scared little girl just hours before-

_With Katya ohgod don't think about that_

-and now here I was ready to apologize and demand respect and redemption.

Maybe I was just getting sick of being a scared little girl.

I banged on the door, bracing myself.

_Open the door open the door open the door…_

It was Eduard who answered, and I stood up straight, looking down on him. "I need to see my brother. I need to see him _right now_." I made sure to glare at him. I didn't have time for this. I had to apologize to Big Brother. He made the right choice, and stepped aside.

I looked around, trying to think of where he could be. What would I say? I was still in pain (it had only been a day, after all), I still loved him so much-

_What about Katya, soft, warm Katya who gave me a kiss-?_

_We are not thinking about this right now. We are going to apologize to Big Brother, and _then _worry about Katya._

"H-he's in his office, M-Miss Natalia," offered the Baltic. I nodded curtly, and made my way to the office, all the while wrestling with my thoughts and what the hell I was going to even say.

When I arrived, I took a deep breath and knocked.

"Da, come in." As always, his voice was sweet and cheerful, making my heart flutter as it always did.

I stepped in carefully, trying to ignore the hammering in my chest. He was sitting at his desk, a bottle of vodka to the side, and he was glancing down at some paperwork, smile on his face. He looked up at me, and his face paled, his smile suddenly strained, his eyes wary.

_Ouch. Do I really scare you that much?_

"N-Natalia. Wh-what brings you here? I-I thought you understood-"

"Big Brother," I said quietly, cutting him off, "I… I simply came here… t-to ask your f-forgiveness." I forced myself to look him in the eyes. Those beautiful, violet eyes that always made my breathing catch…

He looked so surprised. I continued. "I… I had never realized before." My gaze faltered as I looked down, feeling embarrassment. "I never realized h-how much I scared you." _Oh, fuck you, voice, you're not going to get shaky on me now, you are __**not **__going to get __**shaky **__on me __**now**__, do you hear me? _"A-and I never really _listened _to you, I-I refused to believe that-" _that you don't love me the way I love you. _"-that you _really _didn't want the same thing I want." My nose was tingling again, signaling tears that I thought I was done shedding. However, I could not allow myself to cry, I just couldn't. I'd already cried enough.

That tear slipping down my cheek wasn't real.

He'd stood up and slowly approached to me, his expression unreadable. I started to brace myself for whatever he would do to me. Nothing quite yet, but I knew something had to be coming.

Again, I forced myself to look at him. "S-so… I'm sorry, Big Brother. I-I really love you so much, a-and I never meant to fr-frighten you o-or pester you. I just-" _just take a breath, let it out slowly, don't cry, don't cry, __**don't **__cry. _"I just wanted so desperately for it to be true, what I believed a-all of these years." _no, my voice did __**not **__just break, it did __**not**__. _My hands balled into fists at my sides as I stared up at him determinedly, trying not to break down. Again. Too much of that lately, far too much for my liking.

Even though at the moment, I really wanted to. Really. Wanted. To.

"I-I love you, Big Brother, and I am so sorry. I never wanted you to fear me or hate me." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, waiting for him to kick me out, to tell me to leave, to-

H-hug me?

Was it my imagination?

No, he was really hugging me. My heart was hammering in my chest as this dawned on me, and I forgot to breathe, and any tears I was about to shed seemed to be too shocked to actually fall.

"Ah, Natasha, my dear little sister," he began softly, "I could not hate you, da. You are my pretty little sister, after all. And while it is true that you were scary at times, that does not mean I love you any less, though it may not be the kind of love f-for marriage." His voice wavered a little on the last word, but I knew I couldn't blame him. He pulled away, his smile that I loved so much on his face. "You are a good girl, da. Good and strong, to come and apologize. I, too, am sorry. I did not mean to hurt you, my little sister."

"Y-you don't… you don't hate me?" _b-but I frightened you, I stalked you, I threatened you-_

His smile was wider, and he said in a certain voice, "nyet."

I couldn't help myself; my arms were around him (as best as they could) and I could feel his scarf against my cheek, smell his scent in it, hear the faint beat of his heart. "I'm so glad, Big Brother, so glad!" I didn't even notice the tears that had gotten over their shock. He patted my head, and it felt safe and reassuring. The ghost of a thought-

_[marriage]_

-flickered through my mind, but I pushed it away immediately. I wouldn't do that again. Not when things are like this.

_Besides, I have these feelings for Katya to deal with. I may as well do my best to get over those old hopes-_

_[marriage]_

_-as soon as possible._

"I am glad as well, da." He responded.

I reluctantly pulled away and looked up at him, giving what felt like a sad smile. "Thank you, Big Brother. I… should probably leave you now. You were working, weren't you? A-and I myself have another problem that… that's been on my mind a lot lately."

_Katya, kind Katya, our dearest older sister. I think she may be making a place in my heart…_

"Oh? Well, Natasha, I hope you are able to solve it very soon, da? Thank you for coming to see me. I am very proud of you, little sister. You are very brave, da. A good girl."

I felt myself flush from the praise. "Th-thank you, Big Brother."

"Da, you are welcome, Natalia."

~o~

When I finally got home, I found myself hit by a wave of exhaustion. I made my way upstairs to my room, planning to contemplate everything that had happen, to think about what I was to do now, however I was asleep the moment I lay down in bed.

* * *

**A/N: phew, that chapter was kind of a journey to write. :'D I had no idea what I was going to write next, could you tell? Ahehderp. Therefore there are a lot of in and out-of character moments. Herpderp. And I really, really didn't want to have /another/ scene of her crying her eyes out, because that would just be far too much for one fic. :'D I'm sorry, I just love my angst and my drama. Siiigh. And I really am such a cheerful person, were you to meet me. lmaoangstdramaDERP. I hope you enjoyed this. I sense the end is coming. I'm rather proud, and I hope you guys are enjoying this!**

**Thank you so much for reading, everyone~ and I hope you guys have a lovely day/afternoon/evening/whatever.**

********

Also remember. reviews. theyfeedmyRussia-chanShimejiSO.

**~Avio**


	12. 9: Katya

**Disclaimer: Hetalia = not mine**

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**Big Sister**

**Avio Favalon**

_**A Hetalia fanfic~**_

* * *

**Chapter Nine - Katya**

* * *

So now I had a dilemma.

Should I still go see Katya? It wasn't like there was any point to anymore; I couldn't go back to trying to get Big Brother to marry me, so why go see her?

_Because I want to?_

Yes, I did want to. I wanted to badly. I wanted to be in her embrace and feel that kiss on my cheek (or maybe on my lips…) and hear the kindness in her voice that I knew she gave to everyone. Besides, it had become a part of my daily life. _Should I go to her? Should I?_

I stared at myself in the mirror, dripping wet and shivering slightly from the shower I'd just taken, wondering if I should bother getting ready to see her or not.

I knew I wanted to, but I couldn't predict how things could go. At this point, I knew, it was either go the unknown road and continue seeing her every day, or go the other road, which was to stop seeing you, and most likely go back to never seeing each other except on occasion., like always. The only difference would be that I would be alone always. I wouldn't be able to see Big Brother like I used to.

I took a deep breath. May as well go for the unknown road. I didn't want to be alone anymore, and at least Katya wasn't afraid of me.

My mind was made up.

~o~

"Natalia!" she nearly shrieked with joy, enveloping me into her arms.

_strong and soft and warm and oh Katya do you even know how much I love this I could cry…_

"K-Katya… I-I-" _can't breathe but it's okay you smell warm and I feel safe and-_

"Oh, Natalia, I did not think you would come today!" She released me, wiping a tear, and I felt a little empty. "I was frightened you were… still too upset to come see me today." Did she look… was that a sad smile?

I was suddenly struck with the extremely insane notion of telling her how I felt.

I was a little shocked at the thought, but then I had always been one to say what was on my mind, hadn't I? I always told Big Brother, didn't I? True, it made him terrified of me, but that was Big Brother, and this was Katya. Should I?

"No, Katya, of course not. I… I spoke with Big Brother, and he is not upset with me." I felt the smile of relief on my face. "I suppose it… well, yes, it still hurts, but what can I do? He does not love me the way I wish for him to. I-I…" there goes my voice, breaking again. Fuck. "I should have stopped years ago."

Again I was in her arms, and she was crying, holding me close to her. "Mm, my poor Natasha, I know how much it must be hurting you," her voice was soft, that edge of sadness in it.

Didn't she say that before…? At the time, I had felt stubborn and upset, didn't think on it much, but now…

"Katya? Are you… are you alright?"

"O-oh, yes! Yes, of course I am, my dear Natasha!" She hastily released me again, and was again trying to wipe her eyes from a fresh wave of tears. "I-I just feel b-bad for you, my darling little sister! I just don't want you to hurt! I-I worry about you, you know." She gave an attempt at a laugh. "I-I love you, after all!"

Oh, god, my heart. "Katya… I don't want you to hurt either… especially not for me." I wanted to reach out, to wipe a tear.

I was surprised when I did, and then the words were out before I could stop them. "I love you, too, Katya." I spoke them, my voice steady and determined. "Probably far more than I should, even after everything with Big Brother, I have come to feel for you as well."

She flushed, eyes wide, and it seemed a fresh onslaught of tears were about to come forth. "N-Natasha, I-I-"

"I am sorry that I cannot seem to love someone like this who is not my sibling, but-"

She didn't give me a chance to finish. Her lips were on mine before I knew what was happening, and I didn't have time to respond before she pulled away, completely flustered, apologies flying out of her mouth faster than one would think possible.

"I-I am so sorry, Natalia, you probably didn't even mean it that way, I'm so sorry, I-!"

I cut her off in the same manner that she had, feeling somewhat peeved I hadn't had a chance to return it.

She seemed surprised, but did not break it this time. She allowed me to deepen it, responding shyly, and I hummed in approval.

Soft, warm, she was all of these things.

I was suddenly _very_ aware of her breasts pressing into mine as she wrapped me in her arms, a hand running through my hair, tugging gently (and it felt _so _nice…). I hugged her waist, pulling her closer to me, being somewhat forceful with my kiss. I could feel the flush on my cheeks as I felt something wet shyly prod at my lips. _Katya, you surprise me… _I allowed access, and began a fight for dominance within our mouths, a fight I won before too long.

I wanted it to last forever, but unfortunately no one can hold their breath for that long, and we parted. She looked as flushed as I felt, tears in her eyes as she panted, both of us were trying to refill our lungs.

She was crying again, a smile on her face, and it sounded as if a giggle or two slipped out with her quiet sobs. "N-Natasha… I-I… I am so happy… I have… for years… I…" She didn't continue, but I got it.

Wait.

"Y-years?" I blinked up at her. "For years? But I thought… you and Big Brother…"

"A-aha… I suppose that's not surprising… I was always afraid you hated me, so I tried paying more attention to him… so I wouldn't annoy you." She wiped at her eyes.

I swallowed, looking away from her. "I'm sorry, Katyusha. I… I did love you, but now how I do now… all I ever cared about was-"

"Y-yes, I know. I've always known how you felt about Vanya. So I stood out of your way. I only wanted your happiness, my little Natasha," she said fondly, her thumb stroking my cheek, making my heart pound at the contact. Her voice was quiet when she added, "I was always afraid of what would happen when you stopped running away from the truth. It hurt so much to see you cry like that, my Natasha." There were tears in her eyes again.

I was blushing again. "I-I'm so sorry, Katya…"

She shook her head furiously. "No, no, no, Natasha! It is all right! I-it's worth it… because… y-you love me _now_, don't you?" There was a flicker of fear in her eyes, as if the past few minutes hadn't just happened, as if they were a mistake…

"I do, Katya." I affirmed softly, then smirking slightly. "To think it took all of this time… I believe it was probably because of you that… that I finally accepted the rejection… because I've… for you… I…"

She smiled, tears of what I assume was relief in her eyes, joy on her lips. "I'm so glad! I never thought… never imagined-" she let out a sob, and I couldn't help but sigh, somewhat exasperated, as I pulled her close to me again. She was resting on my chest, whimpering, "oh, Natasha, my Natasha, I love you, my Natasha…"

"Yes, Katya. I love you, too." I cooed, stroking her.

It occurred to me that a month ago, I would have felt a sick joy, would have proceeded to use her and break her and proceeded to threaten Big Brother again.

Why did I think that would work?

Now, I couldn't imagine wanting to hurt her. I realized that I'd hurt her enough over the years, chasing after our brother when she was right there. I felt the regret I promised myself I wouldn't feel.

I held her tighter, nuzzling into her hair. "I'm so sorry, Katya. For everything. For all of these years." _For what I almost did._

"Oh, Natasha. I can only ever forgive you," she sniffled, holding me tightly as well. "I can only ever love you."

The very words were enough to make my heart flutter, my heart pounding, _enough to make me want to kiss you again, right here on your porch, just like a few moments ago…_

So I did. I kissed her sweetly, holding her to me with one arm, my opposite hand gently holding her chin up as I slipped my tongue through her lips, dominating the kiss again, exploring her mouth, causing her to whimper and shudder, and I can feel tears dripping onto my fingers…

She pulled away, almost reluctantly, and whispered breathlessly, "N-N-Natasha… I l-love you… so-so much…"

I smiled, whispering in response, "Mm, Katya, I… I love you, too."

I felt a trickle of warm emotion in my heart, and it occurred to me that maybe that's what happiness felt like.

_I think I finally knows what it feels like…_

* * *

**A/N: oh jesus freaking christ I had no idea what I was doing there and I seriously feel like I may be going too fast with this. SOB. I'm sorry, guys. I-if you want me to slow it down, please just let me know. Aheh. Butum. I feel it coming to an end. :'D it's there. It's coming. kdsjfka who else feels it?**

**Anyways, I apologize for it taking so long to update. I've been distracted. :'D b-by um. Roleplay. Derp. Of course. Roleplayisbadforme. It'slikeadrug. Ohgodyoudon'tevenknow.**

**So! Hopefully I'll be able to figure out what happens next soon so you wont have to wait too long. Again.**

**I'msorryNanaIloveyou.**

**~Avio**


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